Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Do women wear undies under leggings?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I see through liars

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I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

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I have complete contempt for fakery

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand how hurricane paths work

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

© you're so funny!

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I can count

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

What is the story behind bhai dooj?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I can read

What does it mean to you to live a life that reflects biblical values?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

What disturbed you today?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know who the president of Turkey really is

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

If you caught a shoplifter at your yard sale, how would you handle it?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I actually pay taxes

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee